Maybe lying to yourself isn’t always a bad thing

IMG_7146I know people say lying to yourself is impossible but I disagree.

Stop telling yourself you think you’re in a bad spot or that you should’ve done better on that test. Tell yourself it can only get better, and that you tried your best. Stop continuously bringing yourself down- it has no (I mean no) positive outcomes. Even when it’s hard, tell yourself it could be worse…

Your mind should be used to bring yourself up & not tear yourself down.

If you continuously tell yourself that things will get better you’ll eventually believe it (or so I would like to think)

Doesn’t that mean lying to yourself isn’t such a bad thing?

Xo

Happy Saturday

I can’t emphasize it enough- life is so precious AND WORTH LIVING

Kiss the boy.
Buy the shoes.
Take the nap.
Write the essay.
Study hard.
Help others.
Be kind.
Commit to yourself. 
Commit to those you love.
Love yourself.
Love your life.
& don’t forget to smile along the way

 

XO

Happy little update

Hi! Long time no update (Oops)

Wednesday I finished my third week straight of chemo (ughhhh) You can probably guess it wasn’t the greatest of times but it’s done and I’m on to new things. (STOP DWELLING- that’s my new motto)

The weather is beautifulllllll and I’ve never felt so alive. The hospital has me feeling a little locked up; the lack of fresh airs gets to you after awhile.


I have a couple weeks off now (I go back for another three weeks the 15th of May- which means I have just over two weeks off- YAYAYAY)

I plan on taking full advantage off my time off once the side effects of chemo start to subside. Keeping my fingers crossed I might even get a couple days in England (depending on my blood counts and travel insurance.)

I also intend on drinking a lot of good coffee, eating A LOT of ice-cream and spending time with the people I love. Ou and blogging more frequently seeing I’ll have more energy !

Till next time,

XO

 

 

My Good Old Friend Chemo

Let me start with sorry for the time in-between posts… It has been a busy few weeks!

If I’m being totally honest I haven’t posted because I’ve been trying to forget my first chemo experience. It started off fine, a little stressful with accessing the port but nevertheless it was going pretty well.

Somewhere between receiving the chemo and my first night at the hospital I began to feel the effects. The nausea started slowly till I inevitably ended up over a bucket in the bathroom with tears running down my face because lets be honest: puking SUCKS- especially when you know it’s induced. (Puking with a healthy body sucks, let alone when your body consists of cancer cells.)

I made my way back to bed and the nurse offered another nausea medicine to help relieve my symptoms. She gave me these little white pills you put under your tongue. Shortly after they began to melt, my eyes began to close and my brain felt like it was incapable of processing anything. I’ve never felt anything like it.

I don’t drink but I think that’s the closest I’ve ever been to drunk.

Ingesting the little white pills is the last thing I remember. The few days after ingesting the pills are a blur. I don’t even have any recollection of leaving the hospital; I haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or not. I think that’s why I’ve been so scared to write about it because so much was forgotten.

Once home the initial days are still a bit of a blur. I was on 2 nausea medicines and sent home with those famous little white pills (that I had NO intention of using). I was on home hydration which means my port was hooked up to an IV for 12 hours every night. Every time the doorbell rang I knew it was time; theres something about having my port used that turns my stomach.

I initially was so nauseous I couldn’t even sit up. I laid in bed while someone fed me little pieces of watermelon and cheese. Those were the only things I could stomach. As the days went on the nausea seemed to subside but I had to take things slowly or it would creep up on me once again.

My body had been poisoned and I was slowly learning how to cope with it.

Xo