Acknowledge the feeling, Share the feeling & Accept the feeling 

l thought since I preach it, I should live by it
The last couple days have been a little challenging for me. My chronic headaches haven’t changed (whether that’s a good thing or not I’m not really sure.)
I’ve tried to keep my mind busy, that’s usually how I deal with stressful/anxious situations. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of feeling this way because one should NOT (or at least try not) to worry about things they cannot change.
The idea of starting treatment again is extremely frustrating. I’m starting to feel like the Anyse I was before this whole thing started.
As I’m watching the world junior hockey game (like every other person who doesn’t like to watch professional sports on tv lol) I begin to scroll through my instagram feed and all these stories of relapsing catch my eye. The little pictures on the explore page seem to stick out like a sore thumb.
I can’t help but read each and everyone of them. As I read one after the other, this darkness seems to almost consume me. As I try to ignore the feeling, it seems to reach my stomach. It feels like my heart is slowly making its way to my feet.
I realize it was easier to deal with the cancer when I knew it was being monitored daily by specialists and medical professionals who’s end goal was to “cure” me. Now that I’m living without the ease of knowing I’m being monitored cancer seems to be a scarier thought.
As I try to understand where this feeling of anxiety arose from, I can’t help but link it back to the reactions of those around me when I told them that I had been experiencing chronic headaches (on the left side of my face where the tumour had been just months ago).
“Actions speak louder than words”
“Actions speak louder than words”
“ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS”.                           
(If your best friend, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, mother, cousin, etc have/had cancer remember to always look on the bright side of things even if it’s not how you feel. This is the only time I accept and ENCOURAGE you to tell a little white lie. It could help relieve the anxiety and distress they are feeling.)
As my blog post comes to an end I can’t help but feel a sense of relief because I’ve:
  1. Acknowledged– that the cancer may come back
  2. Shared– my feelings with those who are ready to listen
  3. Accepted– that l only have so much power over the relapse rate of the awful disease we all know as cancer
Need someone to talk to? I’m here
Xo Anyse

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