365 days

As I sit in front of my computer the memories begin to fill my mind but the idea of re living them through words almost seems too much to handle. I’ve spent a few hours staring at my computer screen; 365 days, 365 days, 365 days, 365 days… THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE DAYS.

WOW.

A number that has been continuously running through my mind since I woke up on January 30th.

It’s one of those thoughts I just can’t seem to shake off. 

For those who have been following my story, January 30th 2017 was when the reality of having cancer struck at full speed. I underwent an invasive, long, difficult and life changing operation that will forever impact who I am. 

January 30th 2017- Cancer became a reality.

The days leading up to the surgery were difficult… Having to explain to everyone that me, Anyse, was about to undergo a battle that many lose to. I had to undergo seeing peoples faces drop- witnessing the ones closest to me break down in tears. Seeing the look of hopelessness and despair in the eyes of those I loved was the hardest thing of all.

cried for hours the nights leading up to it, while my boyfriend sat there and comforted me with no words, because quite honestly there was nothing he could say. He too knew the battle ahead of us was not a kind one.

I had to drop out of university and prepare for the aftermath of the surgery. I would have to learn to walk again, learn to eat again, learn to love myself again…

The days leading up to it, however, don’t even come CLOSE to measuring up to waking up the night of January 30th and realizing (whether I wanted to believe it or not) I was about to become cancers b****.

The more I thought about what 365 days really meant to me, I realized it meant learning that life is the greatest gift of all. The last 365 days have taught me so much.

I almost wish those around me could see life through my eyes.

I wish they could understand the comfort of a warm hand, the love in a soft forehead kiss, the sadness in words, the opportunity in education and the happiness in life.

I wish people could understand that it’s YOUR LIFE and no one elses.

You make the rules.

You make the decisions.

You inevitably “make” the outcome. 

You want to change programs? Move halfway around the world? Take a spontaneous trip? Rekindle with a past lover? Apologize to an old friend (because you’ve realized just how much they mean to you)? Distance yourself from the people who have hurt you? (this can even be close friends, family members, coworkers… if they don’t make you feel good about yourself- move on and let go.) DO IT.

What I’m trying to get at is you have one life… Think about it- ONE LIFE… no second chance at it. So do what makes YOU happy… If that’s reading until you fall asleep, or watching movies cuddled up to your fav person- DO IT.

Life is too precious and too short to waste your time doing things because everyone around you is telling you that’s what you “should” be doing.

I’ve rediscovered all the things I love.

I love to cook. I love my munchkin siblings. I love my boyfriend. I love my mom. I love my family. I love my dog. I love the outdoors. I love the water. I love to bake. I love to learn.

Do things that make you fall asleep knowing you’d be happy if you never woke up.

LOVE EVERYTHING LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

XO

{Ou psst if you want to catch the story in more of a “live” way catch me on CBC tomorrow night- Season 3 of Hello Goodbye}

4 thoughts on “365 days

  1. Neil Staruch says:

    Hey sweetie, having you as a part of my life has always been a pleasure. Your courage and strength radiate from inside you. Your actions speak louder then any words could. As I follow your blog , there are times when you have taken my breath away. I still can’t believe that these profound words and thoughts are coming from my baby niece. You truly are amazing. With every new post you make I anxiously run off to read in privacy. I know how it will affect me.
    You ARE at the top of my list of favourites. Keep on doing what you do, your words are an inspiration. I miss you and that (great) boyfriend of yours. See you soon. Uncle Neil 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lin S says:

    Anyse I watched your Hello Goodbye episode tonight, you are so beautiful, and you are so wise!! I agree with everything you say above, even tho I still havent learned how to live it (and I am much older than you!)… but it’s never too late and I’m movin in the right direction, and you’ve inspired me to dig in and make even more of an effort. Your boyfriend rocks! And he is a rock. You two are awesome together and I wish you the very very best. Thank you for bravely sharing your story this way sweetie, God bless you. With love, Lin ❤

    Like

  3. Deb Campbell says:

    You are an amazing person Anyse! I don’t watch Hello Goodbye but for some reason I watched your segment last night. The strength and depth of feeling you and Harry have is inspiring!! Best wishes to you!!!!

    Like

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