you’re not the norm- you’re the exception

Lump, bump, spot, legion and tumour all evoke the same response: fear, anger, distress and cancer (I use cancer as if it’s an emotion lol but in any case it translates to a wide range of emotions so I can justify including it in my list.)

That’s how my appointments went last week; I left with all the above while trying to focus on the assurance that was given to me.

Assurance is something I cling to, we all do, naturally. We like to be reassured that what we’re going through will be okay. In my case, the usual assurance is that my health will continue on a promising path, at least for a brief period of time allowing me to live.

Everyone knows I live for all the little things. The feeling of the sun on my face or the breeze that makes its way under my coat.

The life I am living feels so much more intense.

Today as I ride the bus, I’m trying to understand how I can influence people to feel the sun instead of just seeing it. 

Stop trying to see and understand things just FEEL them.

Sometimes experiences are meant to feel straight up awful- like when your childhood pet dies or you lose a family member. These events are meant to evoke emotions like sadness and frustration. It’s meant to feel awful but that doesn’t mean you should shut out experiencing it.

It allows you to learn and grow as a person.

For your own sake FEEL everything that comes your way: good, bad, awful or wonderful. 

We’ve all heard “just because your problems aren’t as bad as someone else’s doesn’t make yours any less real.” 

This is true and I stand by that but it’s important to acknowledge that people do have it worse than you. Heck I’ve met tons of people that have it worse than me. 

It doesn’t mean your problems aren’t as important or real but it does mean they could potentially be easier to deal with and that is unarguable.

So experience your problems but be sure if you overcome them you realize you’re not the norm you’re the exception.

Celebrate the milestones in your life- big, small & everything in between.

Xox Anyse 

Double Trouble Update

For those who don’t have Instagram; here is a little update on my bilateral mastectomy coming up.

If you’re interested in my daily life @anyselebeau on Instagram is a good place to start.

I’m not usually one for sharing pictures like this because I don’t like the idea of being reassured by likes for my body. My body deserves so much more than likes on a social platform. But I’m posting this one because today I met with 2 surgeons for a bilateral mastectomy: one completes the removal of my breasts and the other one reconstructs my chest. I’m sharing this because we spend so much time hating things about our body but there’s people out there (aka people like me) that would happily take the small oddly shaped boobs or a little bit of extra skin over completely losing sensation. This surgery is particularly different than my mandible removal/reconstruction. My face may be what everyone sees but breasts are a part of ourselves that only few see. Those we have romantic relations with. There’s no doubt in my mind that the person I share these moments with should love me for me but there’s something about losing complete feeling of your chest. I don’t feel like it’s life changing but I definitely feel like l’m losing a part of my sensuality by losing complete sensation. All of this to say, today when you get undressed and put your comfy pjs on- look in the mirror and smile at all the little things you claim as imperfections. Remember sometimes we strive so hard for perfection that we forget that imperfection is happiness🌱💓

Double the trouble

Its been awhile. It’s almost like when I feel good, I get so caught up in living I forget to share.

It’s something I need to work on because sharing is so rewarding, whether my story resignates or not, it allows me to let go of everything I’m feeling.

So here is my current obstacle: a double mastectomy.

Double is good when it comes to double the snacks, double the dogs, double the time but NOT when it comes to double mastectomies.

When talk of a double mastectomy first arose, during the end of my chemotherapy treatments, my boyfriend tried to enlighten the conversation by telling my oncologist (may I add pediatric oncologist)  “at least she can get the fake boobs she’s always dreamt about.” In that moment I was MOST definitely embaressed. That was far too much information for my oncologist yet he laughed & I too did.

The conversation was short, for the current battle was beating the cancer I had already been diagnosed with, not PREVENTING a new one.

But here we are, almost a year and a half post active treatment and these preventative steps are now on the forefront.

I saw my new genetic doctor just over a month ago and I already have an appointment with both the surgeon who removes the breast tissue & the surgeon who completes the reconstruction.

The thought of losing my natural breasts doesn’t make me feel like any less of a woman BUT it still sucks (a whole frickin lot.)

I can’t feel half my face (no change there) but now losing feeling in part of my chest is daunting & somewhat overwhelming.

Follow along for this new adventure (I use the term adventure loosely.)

But basically, by the end of this journey, I’ll be a bionic woman.

xox Anyse

365 days

As I sit in front of my computer the memories begin to fill my mind but the idea of re living them through words almost seems too much to handle. I’ve spent a few hours staring at my computer screen; 365 days, 365 days, 365 days, 365 days… THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE DAYS.

WOW.

A number that has been continuously running through my mind since I woke up on January 30th.

It’s one of those thoughts I just can’t seem to shake off. 
Continue reading

Bold is beautiful- Benefit cosmetics

{I’m pre warning you that this blog post is 100% directed towards my makeup junkie followers (Awesome I know eee)}

Benefit cosmetics (flawless brows, small pores & overall flawless skin) partners with numerous nonprofit organizations to help girls and women alike who are going through hard times.

A big group of the women that the Bold and Beautiful campaign helps, are those suffering from physical changes due to cancer. This group of girls/women hits close to home for me, seeing I witnessed first hand what it’s like to be a woman and lose your physical appearance to cancer.

Weight gain due to steroids, loss of hair due to chemotherapy, burns marks due to radiation, scars due to intense surgeries and all other extreme physical changes make the journey even more difficult than it already is.

I’m happy to share that I was chosen as the face of this campaign for Canada. I’m looking forward to being a face of strength for women- I want more women to embrace their flaws.

The bold and beautiful campaign donates 100% of the profits from their eyebrow waxing, during the month of May, to none profit charities that help girls and women alike.

To learn more about this AWESOME campaign simply click Bold is Beautiful

What’s better than a fresh pair of brows??! A pair of brows that help put smiles on the faces of women going through hardships.

Hehehe let those caterpillars grow.

Xo

Acknowledge the feeling, Share the feeling & Accept the feeling 

l thought since I preach it, I should live by it
 fdfsf
The last couple days have been a little challenging for me. My chronic headaches haven’t changed (whether that’s a good thing or not I’m not really sure.)
 ddd
I’ve tried to keep my mind busy, that’s usually how I deal with stressful/anxious situations. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of feeling this way because one should NOT (or at least try not) to worry about things they cannot change.
 ddd
The idea of starting treatment again is extremely frustrating. I’m starting to feel like the Anyse I was before this whole thing started.
 ddd
As I’m watching the world junior hockey game (like every other person who doesn’t like to watch professional sports on tv lol) I begin to scroll through my instagram feed and all these stories of relapsing catch my eye. The little pictures on the explore page seem to stick out like a sore thumb.
 ddd
I can’t help but read each and everyone of them. As I read one after the other, this darkness seems to almost consume me. As I try to ignore the feeling, it seems to reach my stomach. It feels like my heart is slowly making its way to my feet.
 ddd
I realize it was easier to deal with the cancer when I knew it was being monitored daily by specialists and medical professionals who’s end goal was to “cure” me. Now that I’m living without the ease of knowing I’m being monitored cancer seems to be a scarier thought.
 dd
As I try to understand where this feeling of anxiety arose from, I can’t help but link it back to the reactions of those around me when I told them that I had been experiencing chronic headaches (on the left side of my face where the tumour had been just months ago).
 dd
“Actions speak louder than words”
“Actions speak louder than words”
“ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS”.                           
 ddd
(If your best friend, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, mother, cousin, etc have/had cancer remember to always look on the bright side of things even if it’s not how you feel. This is the only time I accept and ENCOURAGE you to tell a little white lie. It could help relieve the anxiety and distress they are feeling.)
 dd
As my blog post comes to an end I can’t help but feel a sense of relief because I’ve:
  1. Acknowledged– that the cancer may come back
  2. Shared– my feelings with those who are ready to listen
  3. Accepted– that l only have so much power over the relapse rate of the awful disease we all know as cancer
ccc
Psst…
Need someone to talk to? I’m here
Xo Anyse

The warrior project

Talking about an illness that has impacted the person you are can be extremely difficult. It brings back memories that you may have spent a long time trying to forget. That being said, sharing your story can be beneficial for those around you as well as yourself.

“If you avoid your feelings, you also avoid understanding who you really are.”

This is why I believe it’s truly important to share your experiences and traumas with others to help yourself overcome them.

I understand that sharing experiences and traumas, that are associated to illnesses, can be difficult but, a new year means new goals am I right??


Are you or someone you know a CANCER warrior , CARDIOVASCULAR warrior, ANXIETY warrior, DOWN SYNDROME warrior, AUTISM warrior, DEPRESSION warrior, MULTIPLESCLEROSIS warrior, LUPUS warrior, BIPOLAR warrior??? Or a WARRIOR of any sort under the age of twenty five?

If so PLEASE message me (or email anyselebeau@yahoo.ca with the subject warrior project) & add yourself to the Facebook page https://m.facebook.com/AnysePermanentlyPink/

If you would like to participate but don’t want to share your name that is okay, you will remain anonymous.

Your participation requires a minimal amount of effort.

I’m looking forward to hearing from some of you.

Xox Anyse