365 days

As I sit in front of my computer the memories begin to fill my mind but the idea of re living them through words almost seems too much to handle. I’ve spent a few hours staring at my computer screen; 365 days, 365 days, 365 days, 365 days… THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE DAYS.

WOW.

A number that has been continuously running through my mind since I woke up on January 30th.

It’s one of those thoughts I just can’t seem to shake off. 
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Bold is beautiful- Benefit cosmetics

{I’m pre warning you that this blog post is 100% directed towards my makeup junkie followers (Awesome I know eee)}

Benefit cosmetics (flawless brows, small pores & overall flawless skin) partners with numerous nonprofit organizations to help girls and women alike who are going through hard times.

A big group of the women that the Bold and Beautiful campaign helps, are those suffering from physical changes due to cancer. This group of girls/women hits close to home for me, seeing I witnessed first hand what it’s like to be a woman and lose your physical appearance to cancer.

Weight gain due to steroids, loss of hair due to chemotherapy, burns marks due to radiation, scars due to intense surgeries and all other extreme physical changes make the journey even more difficult than it already is.

I’m happy to share that I was chosen as the face of this campaign for Canada. I’m looking forward to being a face of strength for women- I want more women to embrace their flaws.

The bold and beautiful campaign donates 100% of the profits from their eyebrow waxing, during the month of May, to none profit charities that help girls and women alike.

To learn more about this AWESOME campaign simply click Bold is Beautiful

What’s better than a fresh pair of brows??! A pair of brows that help put smiles on the faces of women going through hardships.

Hehehe let those caterpillars grow.

Xo

Acknowledge the feeling, Share the feeling & Accept the feeling 

l thought since I preach it, I should live by it
 fdfsf
The last couple days have been a little challenging for me. My chronic headaches haven’t changed (whether that’s a good thing or not I’m not really sure.)
 ddd
I’ve tried to keep my mind busy, that’s usually how I deal with stressful/anxious situations. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of feeling this way because one should NOT (or at least try not) to worry about things they cannot change.
 ddd
The idea of starting treatment again is extremely frustrating. I’m starting to feel like the Anyse I was before this whole thing started.
 ddd
As I’m watching the world junior hockey game (like every other person who doesn’t like to watch professional sports on tv lol) I begin to scroll through my instagram feed and all these stories of relapsing catch my eye. The little pictures on the explore page seem to stick out like a sore thumb.
 ddd
I can’t help but read each and everyone of them. As I read one after the other, this darkness seems to almost consume me. As I try to ignore the feeling, it seems to reach my stomach. It feels like my heart is slowly making its way to my feet.
 ddd
I realize it was easier to deal with the cancer when I knew it was being monitored daily by specialists and medical professionals who’s end goal was to “cure” me. Now that I’m living without the ease of knowing I’m being monitored cancer seems to be a scarier thought.
 dd
As I try to understand where this feeling of anxiety arose from, I can’t help but link it back to the reactions of those around me when I told them that I had been experiencing chronic headaches (on the left side of my face where the tumour had been just months ago).
 dd
“Actions speak louder than words”
“Actions speak louder than words”
“ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS”.                           
 ddd
(If your best friend, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, mother, cousin, etc have/had cancer remember to always look on the bright side of things even if it’s not how you feel. This is the only time I accept and ENCOURAGE you to tell a little white lie. It could help relieve the anxiety and distress they are feeling.)
 dd
As my blog post comes to an end I can’t help but feel a sense of relief because I’ve:
  1. Acknowledged– that the cancer may come back
  2. Shared– my feelings with those who are ready to listen
  3. Accepted– that l only have so much power over the relapse rate of the awful disease we all know as cancer
ccc
Psst…
Need someone to talk to? I’m here
Xo Anyse

The warrior project

Talking about an illness that has impacted the person you are can be extremely difficult. It brings back memories that you may have spent a long time trying to forget. That being said, sharing your story can be beneficial for those around you as well as yourself.

“If you avoid your feelings, you also avoid understanding who you really are.”

This is why I believe it’s truly important to share your experiences and traumas with others to help yourself overcome them.

I understand that sharing experiences and traumas, that are associated to illnesses, can be difficult but, a new year means new goals am I right??


Are you or someone you know a CANCER warrior , CARDIOVASCULAR warrior, ANXIETY warrior, DOWN SYNDROME warrior, AUTISM warrior, DEPRESSION warrior, MULTIPLESCLEROSIS warrior, LUPUS warrior, BIPOLAR warrior??? Or a WARRIOR of any sort under the age of twenty five?

If so PLEASE message me (or email anyselebeau@yahoo.ca with the subject warrior project) & add yourself to the Facebook page https://m.facebook.com/AnysePermanentlyPink/

If you would like to participate but don’t want to share your name that is okay, you will remain anonymous.

Your participation requires a minimal amount of effort.

I’m looking forward to hearing from some of you.

Xox Anyse

Thankful

It’s 1:54 pm on a Tuesday afternoon and I don’t think I’ve ever loved being alive as much as I do in this moment. I’ve recently spent a lot of time thinking about everything I’ve gone through the last few months and suddenly all I feel is a weird mixture of sadness & relief all in one.

It all seems a little too good to be true- I made it out alive, in one piece; stronger & wiser than I could have ever imagined. My world was shattered when I found out I was sick again, but now that this chapter is coming to an end, it almost feels like I’m losing a part of me that I spent so long learning to love. I had never been so happy; everything & anything put a smile on my face. Now that the chapter is slowly ending I feel like I’m losing part of myself in the midst. It may be hard to understand from someone on the outside looking in nevertheless, cancer helped me find the person I wanted to become. Strong, understanding, loving and all around happy.

Cancer took a lot away- appearance, sensation & mobility but it also allowed me to gain so many wonderful qualities.

For that I am thankful.

Thankful to be alive & thankful to be me.

I hope each and everyone of you feels the same way.

Xo

 

Accepting death

I’ve recently been asked by multiple people how I stay so positive while going through something so difficult and challenging. If I’m being completely honest, the answer is quite simple- accepting that death may come a little sooner than you had once anticipated.

I know death is a difficult subject. The majority of people have a hard time accepting the death of a loved one or dear friend, let alone their own death. It is too often seen as the worst possible outcome.

Perhaps if it was seen in a more positive light those who suffer/suffered from a physical illness could live a happier and more fulfilling life.

I’m not saying it’s an easy pill to swallow. It’s not like I woke up one morning and decided that I was okay with my life ending at such a young age. It took a few months, and much thought but I have finally come to the realization that:

DEATH is okay

DEATH is unavoidable

DEATH is a part of life

Sure I’m young and sure I have a million things I would like to accomplish before my time here is up, but if tomorrow were to be my last day I am content with the things I’ve done, the people I’ve met and the love I have felt.

“A life with love is a life that’s been lived.”

For those of you going through the same thing (or for those who want to appreciate their lives a little extra) – take a deep breath every time you wake up, hug the ones you love a little extra and conquer the day as if it were your last.

You don’t need to live a long life to live a complete life.
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6 letters- 6 months ago

June marks 6 months…

CANCER.

The inevitable 6 letter word that was like vomit from my oncologists mouth. The day the life I was currently living was no longer going to be anywhere close to ordinary.

Everything I knew as normal came to a halting STOP.

I’ve been riding this roller coaster for a few months now and if I’m being completely honest it was easier to fight than I thought it would be. I would be lying if I said there weren’t days where the world felt dark and awful but somehow through this midst of it all life seemed to shine through TWICE as bright as it did before.

Planning summer adventures & trips between chemo… cute coffee dates & weeks spent with old friends…

School will await me when I’m ready- LIFE will be there for me to take on when I am well & ready.

Here’s to another 6 months of ups and downs- here’s to accepting everything life throws my way.

Xo