A public diary

Diaries are personal, and somewhat secretive. They contain thoughts and experiences that we shy away from sharing.

Today I came across a notebook, in the MRI waiting area, titled “Draw while you wait.”

The notebook was simple in design, a modest brown cover, with the words written in black.

As I started to flip through the worn pages, there were messages written by survivors, elderly people, caregivers, sick people’s children and people starting their journey into the unknown world of illness.

A few of the messages struck me.

People I had never met wrote messages I could relate to. The messages made me feel like all of these people experienced what I experience and understand.

A few of the messages stood out. One woman said “I had the C’s twice in my twenties. And now I’m in my early thirties but I don’t think it’s coming back anytime soon.”

Another man wrote “I was given 6 months to live but it’ll be 5 years next month.”

Someone else wrote “I feel alone and afraid. I want to go to heaven but I also don’t want to leave my kids and my husband but I’m in so much pain.”

Another lady wrote “A day above ground in a good day.”

The pages were filled with words and feelings that made me feel at home.

What a neat idea to start public diaries in places where people lose their voice. In places where writing, as tears run down our face, is liberating and empowering.

When things get hard, and life seems to throw awful and unfair situations your way – write.

Write when you feel sad, write when you feel happy and write when your thoughts are too heavy to bare.

To know your story is helping others, in similar situations, while bringing personal peace of mind.

Let the struggles of others make you strong, empathetic and accepting.

Use your words, and not necessarily your voice, to help shape the world around you.

I challenge you to start your own public diary, in the form of thoughtful words.

Xox Anyse

you’re not the norm- you’re the exception

Lump, bump, spot, legion and tumour all evoke the same response: fear, anger, distress and cancer (I use cancer as if it’s an emotion lol but in any case it translates to a wide range of emotions so I can justify including it in my list.)

That’s how my appointments went last week; I left with all the above while trying to focus on the assurance that was given to me.

Assurance is something I cling to, we all do, naturally. We like to be reassured that what we’re going through will be okay. In my case, the usual assurance is that my health will continue on a promising path, at least for a brief period of time allowing me to live.

Everyone knows I live for all the little things. The feeling of the sun on my face or the breeze that makes its way under my coat.

The life I am living feels so much more intense.

Today as I ride the bus, I’m trying to understand how I can influence people to feel the sun instead of just seeing it. 

Stop trying to see and understand things just FEEL them.

Sometimes experiences are meant to feel straight up awful- like when your childhood pet dies or you lose a family member. These events are meant to evoke emotions like sadness and frustration. It’s meant to feel awful but that doesn’t mean you should shut out experiencing it.

It allows you to learn and grow as a person.

For your own sake FEEL everything that comes your way: good, bad, awful or wonderful. 

We’ve all heard “just because your problems aren’t as bad as someone else’s doesn’t make yours any less real.” 

This is true and I stand by that but it’s important to acknowledge that people do have it worse than you. Heck I’ve met tons of people that have it worse than me. 

It doesn’t mean your problems aren’t as important or real but it does mean they could potentially be easier to deal with and that is unarguable.

So experience your problems but be sure if you overcome them you realize you’re not the norm you’re the exception.

Celebrate the milestones in your life- big, small & everything in between.

Xox Anyse 

Double the trouble

Its been awhile. It’s almost like when I feel good, I get so caught up in living I forget to share.

It’s something I need to work on because sharing is so rewarding, whether my story resignates or not, it allows me to let go of everything I’m feeling.

So here is my current obstacle: a double mastectomy.

Double is good when it comes to double the snacks, double the dogs, double the time but NOT when it comes to double mastectomies.

When talk of a double mastectomy first arose, during the end of my chemotherapy treatments, my boyfriend tried to enlighten the conversation by telling my oncologist (may I add pediatric oncologist)  “at least she can get the fake boobs she’s always dreamt about.” In that moment I was MOST definitely embaressed. That was far too much information for my oncologist yet he laughed & I too did.

The conversation was short, for the current battle was beating the cancer I had already been diagnosed with, not PREVENTING a new one.

But here we are, almost a year and a half post active treatment and these preventative steps are now on the forefront.

I saw my new genetic doctor just over a month ago and I already have an appointment with both the surgeon who removes the breast tissue & the surgeon who completes the reconstruction.

The thought of losing my natural breasts doesn’t make me feel like any less of a woman BUT it still sucks (a whole frickin lot.)

I can’t feel half my face (no change there) but now losing feeling in part of my chest is daunting & somewhat overwhelming.

Follow along for this new adventure (I use the term adventure loosely.)

But basically, by the end of this journey, I’ll be a bionic woman.

xox Anyse

Jour 4 et Jour 5

JOUR 4

Eeek l know l said l’d post a blog a day but yesterday was a little crazy! l didn’t get home until 11:30 and l just couldn’t be bothered to post (bad l know, but my bed was just calling my name.)

l did a HUGE grocery shop, l bought so many vegetables, l think people thought l bought half the produce section lol

l find that l need to eat larger quantities now that my diet is 80% veggies.

JOUR 5

Today was another hospital day: appointments & scans- the usual.

My biggest challenge so far with this lifestyle is finding delicious AND nutritious meals when I’m out & about.

I actually ate at Spring Rolls and was impressed with their vegetarian dishes. They used numerous vegetables to dress up the plate. I appreciate a variety of vegetables instead of just the typical carrots and broccoli (boringggggg.) *Pictures are posted under lunch*

DAILY TIP(S)

I had a few hours in-between hospital appointments so we decided to grab some food. I have my favourite restaurants around the hospital, that I ate more meals at than I can remember. That being said, my favourite meals at those restaurants include meat and are not plant based meals.

I believe it to be more promising if you go to new plant based restaurants OR restaurants you have never been to- this way you’ll discover new favourites instead of relying on your old meat based favourites.

The comfort in knowing you like a dish is great but when you order it meatless it might not be quite the same.

DAILY RECIPE(S)

Zucchini Chocolate Muffins
(My good friend Google- I altered the recipe to my liking)
12 medium size muffins

  • 1 1/4 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1/3 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder or cacao powder (I mixed them)
  • 1 tsp of baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp of salt
  • 2 melted tbsp of coconut oil (be sure to let it cool a little bit)
  • 1 egg (or flaxseed meal substitute)
  • 1 tsp of pure vanilla extract
  • 1/3 cup of agave
  • 1 cup of shredded zucchini
  • 1 ripe banana mushed (you can also use a 1/4 cup of applesauce works just the same)
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 1/2 of you fav chocolate chips (I like semi sweet)
  1. Preheat oven at 350 F
  2. In a medium size bowl whisk together ALL dry ingredients (except the chocolate chips)
  3. In another bowl, whisk together ALL wet ingredients (this includes the zucchini)
  4. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix.
  5. Once mixed, add the chocolate chips.
  6. Bake for approximately 25 minutes (the time varies depending on the size of your muffins.)

DAILY MEALS

Breakfast

My fav- Chia seed pudding with blueberries and almond slices!img_0507.jpg

Lunch

I had two appetizers and one main (I promise I didn’t eat all of the food- there was SO much!)

Mango salad (bottom left), veggie rice cold wraps (to the right) & vegetarian pad thai (top left).

Dinner

Dinner was a late one, so I had some left over homemade chilli I had frozen. I defrosted it in the pan and put it on top of some rice. As the chilli was defrosting I roasted some veggies (sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts and asparagus.) I tossed them in some olive oil and put a medium amount of pepper. I baked the veggies at 380 F for 45 minutes. They were so good, even my boyfriend who is not a fan of those veggies loved them!

Rookie me forgot to take a picture of my roasted veggies- next time I promise.

Snacks 

Apple and some peanut butter.

Crackers and some cheese (my first time having cheese in almost a week.)

A freshly baked croissant (gosh darn I love pastries.)

Fresh Mango

Blue grapes

Drinks

Water

Chai latte from Starbs made with coconut milk. Honestly, I can’t do the almond milk in my lattes but the coconut milk taste the same as regular milk!

Xo

*Jour 6 will be posted tonight- February 28th*

Health is Wealth

There’s few things in life that can’t be bought, health being one of them. No one decides if or when they’re going to fall ill- it just happens. As my 7 year old sister would say “you get what you get and you don’t get upset.”

For the majority of us it’s unexpected and terrifying.

When you become sick, especially with a life threatening disease, you realize just how crucial a healthy body is. Life’s obstacles become far greater when you have a body that is only working at half capacity.

That being said, shouldn’t your health be your greatest concern?

Perhaps we’re searching for something that we already know the answer to… Instead of looking for cures, we should focus our energy on not becoming ill in the first place.

l have put a lot of thought and research into moving forward with a plant based vegetarian diet.

Join me on my journey towards a healthier & happier me.

(Psst l am going to be posting a blog everyday for the next 30 days with my experiences, likes, dislikes, recipes & tips.)

Xo

 

 

365 days

As I sit in front of my computer the memories begin to fill my mind but the idea of re living them through words almost seems too much to handle. I’ve spent a few hours staring at my computer screen; 365 days, 365 days, 365 days, 365 days… THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE DAYS.

WOW.

A number that has been continuously running through my mind since I woke up on January 30th.

It’s one of those thoughts I just can’t seem to shake off. 
Continue reading

The warrior project

Talking about an illness that has impacted the person you are can be extremely difficult. It brings back memories that you may have spent a long time trying to forget. That being said, sharing your story can be beneficial for those around you as well as yourself.

“If you avoid your feelings, you also avoid understanding who you really are.”

This is why I believe it’s truly important to share your experiences and traumas with others to help yourself overcome them.

I understand that sharing experiences and traumas, that are associated to illnesses, can be difficult but, a new year means new goals am I right??


Are you or someone you know a CANCER warrior , CARDIOVASCULAR warrior, ANXIETY warrior, DOWN SYNDROME warrior, AUTISM warrior, DEPRESSION warrior, MULTIPLESCLEROSIS warrior, LUPUS warrior, BIPOLAR warrior??? Or a WARRIOR of any sort under the age of twenty five?

If so PLEASE message me (or email anyselebeau@yahoo.ca with the subject warrior project) & add yourself to the Facebook page https://m.facebook.com/AnysePermanentlyPink/

If you would like to participate but don’t want to share your name that is okay, you will remain anonymous.

Your participation requires a minimal amount of effort.

I’m looking forward to hearing from some of you.

Xox Anyse