Double Trouble Update

For those who don’t have Instagram; here is a little update on my bilateral mastectomy coming up.

If you’re interested in my daily life @anyselebeau on Instagram is a good place to start.

I’m not usually one for sharing pictures like this because I don’t like the idea of being reassured by likes for my body. My body deserves so much more than likes on a social platform. But I’m posting this one because today I met with 2 surgeons for a bilateral mastectomy: one completes the removal of my breasts and the other one reconstructs my chest. I’m sharing this because we spend so much time hating things about our body but there’s people out there (aka people like me) that would happily take the small oddly shaped boobs or a little bit of extra skin over completely losing sensation. This surgery is particularly different than my mandible removal/reconstruction. My face may be what everyone sees but breasts are a part of ourselves that only few see. Those we have romantic relations with. There’s no doubt in my mind that the person I share these moments with should love me for me but there’s something about losing complete feeling of your chest. I don’t feel like it’s life changing but I definitely feel like l’m losing a part of my sensuality by losing complete sensation. All of this to say, today when you get undressed and put your comfy pjs on- look in the mirror and smile at all the little things you claim as imperfections. Remember sometimes we strive so hard for perfection that we forget that imperfection is happiness🌱💓

Double the trouble

Its been awhile. It’s almost like when I feel good, I get so caught up in living I forget to share.

It’s something I need to work on because sharing is so rewarding, whether my story resignates or not, it allows me to let go of everything I’m feeling.

So here is my current obstacle: a double mastectomy.

Double is good when it comes to double the snacks, double the dogs, double the time but NOT when it comes to double mastectomies.

When talk of a double mastectomy first arose, during the end of my chemotherapy treatments, my boyfriend tried to enlighten the conversation by telling my oncologist (may I add pediatric oncologist)  “at least she can get the fake boobs she’s always dreamt about.” In that moment I was MOST definitely embaressed. That was far too much information for my oncologist yet he laughed & I too did.

The conversation was short, for the current battle was beating the cancer I had already been diagnosed with, not PREVENTING a new one.

But here we are, almost a year and a half post active treatment and these preventative steps are now on the forefront.

I saw my new genetic doctor just over a month ago and I already have an appointment with both the surgeon who removes the breast tissue & the surgeon who completes the reconstruction.

The thought of losing my natural breasts doesn’t make me feel like any less of a woman BUT it still sucks (a whole frickin lot.)

I can’t feel half my face (no change there) but now losing feeling in part of my chest is daunting & somewhat overwhelming.

Follow along for this new adventure (I use the term adventure loosely.)

But basically, by the end of this journey, I’ll be a bionic woman.

xox Anyse